Conflict Management

When people come together… conflict will happen.

Understanding conflict styles is a key component of conflict management.

We tend to think that others deal with conflict the same way we do… and then we are shocked when the “strategic” way we have chosen to deal with the difficult situation at hand, does not work.

Why is that?

It’s often because we are not using the same conflict style and/or are not aware that the person we are trying to resolve a problem with, is using a different style.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model is useful to understand, when dealing with conflict. The model suggests that there are five different ways people deal with conflict.

I think we all want to cooperate, but left to our natural tendencies we often revert to the style of dealing with conflict that we learned growing up. And unless we had a perfect childhood (anyone, anyone?) it might not be all that useful as an adult!

So, it’s worth learning about the different conflict styles so we can understand our natural tendency, and notice where those around us are operating from. When we do that, we can have better outcomes. We can be sensitive to both the goals, and the people involved.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model has stood the test of time. It was developed in the 1970’s and is still used today.

The 5 Conflict Styles are:

1. Competing
2. Avoiding
3. Accommodating
4. Collaborating
5. Compromising

Each of these have elements of Assertiveness, and Cooperativeness. It’s interesting to think about how these different styles can interact with each other.  Here’s a chart from Management Weekly

You may want to think about a situation you are dealing with. Which of the following 5 conflict styles are at play?

High Assertive Styles

1. Competing – Very direct and assertive.
2. Collaborating – We use this when we feel we are on the same team. Teamwork and joint problem solving are at work

Low Assertive Styles

3. Avoiding – Stepping away from the conflict altogether.
4. Accommodating – One side accommodates the other side’s needs.

Compromising Style

5. Compromising – This style involves finding middle ground and agreeing to disagree in certain areas, but coming together in others. The overall goal is met, both sides have won and lost something in the process. This style requires both sides to be moderately cooperative and moderately assertive.

   All the styles are useful, at times. When conflict is causing problems, it’s useful to take a step back and see how we can help manage the situation in a more productive manner, keeping the end goal in mind.